Sunday, May 5, 2013

Am I, today, the Woman I Aspired to Be?

Franky Sharpton 
I texted my dear friend today and told him that I was “lost…without direction or purpose”. He called me immediately and wanted to understand what was going on. These feelings stem from years of lost and here we are yet again, I was undergoing another relationship that vanished from my life. Just to clarify this was specifically my dog, Franky.

It was determined that the dog was very unhappy due to his circumstances (i.e. being locked in a crate for the better part of the day and night)…because I work. My family kept saying that I should adopt the dog out to a good home, if I loved him and I believed the hype. Once the dog was gone and from all accounts his is very happy, I realized that he and I shared in a relationship and especially during the weekends. We spent most of our time together. He filled my life with companionship and love.
 
Anecdotal RANT:     
As a young woman, I never wanted to be anything but educated, relevant, successful, married and a good mother to my children. I never wanted to see my value by being beautiful or sexy…just smart, capable and key to the organization I was aligned with and loved by my family. To accomplish these dreams, I was focused and worked very hard at being all things to all people. I believed in my dreams so much, I started and completed a Master’s program with the University of Dallas. This was going to open all my doors…!! During this time, I also, lost my father/mother and divorced three husbands. The last one, I can say devastated me. He just walked out of our life. I am still unsure about starting a new relationship.
 
Back to the POINT:
So, am I, at 58 the woman I aspired to be when I was in my twenties? The answer is yes and no, conversely.

 Yes: I am educated and smart. I am working on being relevant to those Key people on my job. I have developed a positive self-image and I am writing. I have children that I love. I am healthy and looking forward to the next phase of my life.

No: I am not married to my soul mate and my children are grown with their own lives, so the family atmosphere I wanted is not quite there and now my dog is gone as well….

 
In Summation:
My argument is that I am going in the right direction and like everyone...it's not a perfect ride...

 
Peace Diana