“I can no longer stay quiet in this world, I have a voice and I feel it reverberate off my internal walls, making its slow climb upward until its melody can be heard all around.”
~ Elin Stebbins Waldal
~ Elin Stebbins Waldal
OpinionIt’s Tuesday! The good news is that it is over and I had an excellent interchange with the CFO. #2 project and he liked it.
I can’t seem to find my poetic rhyme anymore and I am not sure why. Maybe its writer’s block. I do want to talk about something that really bothered me today. I am going to be very careful and not make it important, because it is not. It is about the decree issued on a woman’s character by another woman.
Stepping back a little, please understand that everything written in this piece is strictly based on opinion. Also, it's my belief that everyone is responsible for their behavior and should comport themselves in a positive manner within social, legal and community rules, as best they can. We are never perfect but that is the point. Steve Maraboli said it best “There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being apologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.”
This quotes applies to men as well. Even the messengers that conveys the cold hard truth, that is not pretty, that you would rather not see, hear or read. They are delivering a constructive informative communication. This piece is NOT about this type of message or messenger.
The exchange I speak about is mean, negative, pointed and so far off course, that it has become a sharp projectile, like a train wreck within their own mind and those they affect. Why? What compels a person to treat an individual in such a disrespectful manner? It’s not one time. It is over and over and over, that’s right a broken record. Is it pain? Jealousy? Insecurity? Lack of subject matter? What in God’s name would be so bad that it would provoke you to abuse and magnify hatred toward an associate, disguised in a mascaraed ball gown, pointing the finger and spewing pond scum? I have had my share of pain and disappointments but do not look at people that flow in and out of my journey with this level of contempt, hatred like some folks I know.
At this point I am going to define abuse. I call them the six deadly sins:
1. Physical Abuse Standing over you, getting "in your face," blocking a doorway, grabbing you if you try to leave, kicking, punching, biting, slapping, choking, threatening to harm you, using weapons, throwing things, breaking things, punching walls or doors, driving recklessly, burning, cutting, pulling hair, stabbing, strangling, tying or confining you, preventing you from seeking medical care, murder.
2. Emotional Abuse Insults, put downs, intimidating you, embarrassing you in public, talking down to you, not listening to or respecting your feelings, making threats, telling you you’re not “GLBTQ,” “man,” or “strong” enough, being jealous, possessive, controlling; excessive or threatening texts, wanting access to your messages, email, FaceBook/MySpace, spying, checking up on you, accusations of cheating, making you feel like you need to justify yourself, giving you no privacy, shaming you for your sexual orientation.
3. Verbal Abuse Yelling, shouting, swearing, continuously arguing, interrupting, talking over you, put downs, using loud and threatening language and tone to cause fear, name calling, intimidating you, mocking you, abusive language.
4. Economic Abuse Withholding money, opening up a joint account but you don’t have access, forcing you to leave your job, forcing you to get fired, shaming you for how you spend your money, not allowing you to work or get an education, putting all the bills/credit cards in your name, preventing you from using a car.
5. Mental Abuse Playing mind games with you, twisting everything around so nothing is their fault and all of their behavior was caused by something you did or didn’t do, accusing you of doing things that they are doing, lying, manipulating you for control or sex, threatening to “out” you to parents, friends, classmates, distorting reality so you think you are losing your mind.
6. Sexual Abuse Rape, unwanted sexual touching, vulgar comments, pressure for sex, forcing you to have unprotected sex, forcing you to get pregnant or to have an abortion, sexting, forcing you to have sex with other people or to watch your partner have sex with someone else, forcing you to use or participate in pornography.
Honestly I have experience all six forms of abuse at one point in my life or another. These experiences have given me credence on exposing abusive behavior from others directed towards me. What is hilarious and really not funny at the same time is the fact that the abuser actually has a rational explanation in defense of this behavior. They believe that the abused person deserves the abuse.
So I will ask you to read the above six deadly sins and tell me if it is appropriate treat people, like me for example, under any circumstance with similar behavior like that listed above. I think the answer in all cases is that bad behavior is never excusable, acceptable and it is criminal. Therefore I would suggest that you take some time to reassess how you treat others and especially me, because frankly that is where the problem resides.
I have learned over time that women are the most critical and judgmental people towards other women and that is sad.
My song to night is “If I was a Boy” sung by the beautiful and talented Beyoncé. Please remember that music is a language and these are my thoughts tonight.
And you Sugar bring a smile to my face and fill my soul….
Love and Peace always
Diana Mary Sharpton
1.) Photograph: https://www.fluentland.com/learn-english-music-video-boy-beyonce/
2.) Video: Beyoncé - If I Were A Boy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWpsOqh8q0M
3.) Six forms of abuse: http://www.projectpave.org/6-types-abuse